normalizing things that are not normal

Why?

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There’s a strange acceptance in Nigeria, an acceptance of suffering and difficulty that we’ve come to expect as a part of life. It's almost as if hardship is built into the very fabric of the system, and we’re told that this is just the way it is. But sometimes, it’s necessary to question that narrative, to ask: Why do we normalize suffering when it should never be the standard?

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On JAMB

If you’re chronically online, or live in Nigeria, you'd know that students are currently writing JAMB. For the sake of those unfamiliar, JAMB (Joint Admissions and Matriculation Board) is a Nigerian government agency responsible for overseeing the Unified Tertiary Matriculation Examination (UTME), a standardized entrance exam for students seeking admission into universities, polytechnics, and other tertiary institutions.

Established in 1978, JAMB’s goal was to create a unified process for university admissions in Nigeria. The exam assesses students' knowledge in subjects related to their intended fields of study and plays a significant role in determining their eligibility for higher education.

Now, let’s get to the main focus of this piece.

A few days ago, while scrolling through X, I came across a tweet from the elder sister of a JAMB candidate whose younger sister had gone missing.

Of course, the comment section didn’t disappoint. Sometimes, you wonder if people are truly using their brains.

There were several comments blaming the guardians for not escorting her, which is a valid concern since most JAMB candidates are between the ages of 14 and 17 and often need assistance for such a long journey.

But my main concern lies with the people who said things like:

“Not even someone like me…”

Who the hell are you madam? What’s our business with you and your rubbish appointment time?

Something is clearly not favorable for you, but instead of speaking up, you conformed. Now you’re stuck with it, how exactly does that concern us?

This girl left home the previous day, just to beat time. What more do you want from her? Her soul?

A girl is missing, for God’s sake. Yet here you are, spewing irrelevant nonsense under a sensitive post.

I was still reeling from this ridiculous comment when, boom, I saw this one:

So, because you suffered during your time, others should suffer too?

In what world does your own suffering justify the suffering of others?

Why are we so comfortable with suffering in this country?

Why is it acceptable?

Why is it normal?

How did we even get here?

How is it logical that an institution like JAMB, with the high rate of insecurity in this country, still posts people to centers so far from home, almost in an entirely different state altogether, endangering their lives all for the sake of an exam?

The fact that these exams are set for 6:30 am, forcing candidates to wake up ridiculously early, likely skip breakfast, and then navigate unfamiliar territories is just disheartening.

Where is the empathy?

Where is the humanity?

Where is the love?

To what end?

I remember when I first wrote my JAMB years ago. It was a horrific experience I’ve pushed to the back of my mind.

We arrived early and stood in a queue for hours. Most of the computers weren’t working. We were just being pushed around like bags of rice from one hall to another.

By the time we finally started the exam, we were physically and mentally drained. And people wonder why most students don’t do well.

With the heavy migraine I was having, I just wanted to finish and go home.

Cross-check my work? That’s for people who have eaten.

Thankfully, the missing girl in the post was found, but this is just one of many.

How long do we continue to accept this?

How long do we normalize endangering the lives of young children in a bid to secure their future?

Is it really worth it?

Unfortunately, JAMB is just the beginning. If you think the stress ends there, wait until you actually get into school.

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On Education in Federal Tertiary Institutions

As if surviving JAMB and UTME is not enough, when you finally get the course of your dreams, or not, the journey of your life officially begins.

You’ve been tossed into the system like beans thrown into a mill to be ground. And now, you must endure the grinding process, letting it reshape you into a version of yourself that may, or may not, be recognizable. But let’s hope it’s for the better.

I cannot count how many times I wanted to quit school, because why do I have to sit on the floor or perch on a window to learn?

Why is a classroom designed for 300 students, forced to accommodate three times its capacity?

Why are the fans not working?

Why is the library, meant to serve over 300 students in each faculty, just a tiny box-like room handled by just one staff member? And we're expected to buy books before the week runs out or risk losing our continuous assessment marks?

Multiply 300 by 5 faculties, and tell me if that’s even reasonable.

Why do we have to wake up at 5am just to beat the queue to get books we’re already paying for?

Why are we doing theory for a practical course because the required equipment is nowhere to be found?

Why do you admit over 300 students in a department and not have enough laboratory equipment for each one, forcing groups of 20 instead of at least, 5, leaving most people missing out on crucial knowledge?

Why are non-academic staff so begrudging, rude, and unapproachable?

Why do I have to bribe you to do your job?

Am I the one responsible for your family’s misfortunes?

Why should a lecturer fail me because his wife refused to "spread her legs" for him the night before? What does that have to do with me?

Why should I fail a course just because I refused to buy your overpriced handout?

Why should I be begging my supervisor to supervise my project work? Isn’t that your job? Aren’t you getting paid for it?

Why is all of this nonsense considered normal?

You would think finishing school would be a breath of fresh air, but no, the nightmare simply morphs into a new form called NYSC.

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On NYSC

Just when you think you’re done fighting for your sanity, here comes NYSC, the grand finale of frustration. Because clearly, wasting a whole year of your life is the golden prize for surviving the madness of university life.

9 to 5? I’d rather chew gravel for the rest of my life.

Especially when the so-called salary can’t even feed a grown adult properly.
One whole year of slaving away for crumbs, and somehow, we’re supposed to smile and call it “service to the nation”? Give me a break.

If I start talking about the National Youth Service Corps(NYSC) scheme, this newsletter could drag on forever.

Why is the registration process so unnecessarily rigorous? How many email accounts do I have to open before you send me my damn registration link?

And don’t even get me started on that ridiculous site.

Millions of students register every year, why hasn’t it been upgraded to handle the traffic? It's like they want to torture us with this outdated system.

“That’s how it is o”

“It’s network”

“The site is slow because many people are using it at the same time”

“Just keep trying, it will work”

Why?

Why are we suffering through the same thing year after year?

What’s all this backlog nonsense?

Where is the structure?

Where is the organization?

Why am I being pushed from batch to batch because of lack of structure in a scheme that has been existing since 1973?

What’s the point of all this stress?

Why do I have to suffer just to go and suffer again for 21 days?

Is this some sort of curse?

Time and time again, people have been kidnapped on their way to camp or back home. Why can’t people be posted to places closer to their geographical location?

You can still foster unity without uprooting people completely. Must unity come at the cost of unnecessary suffering?

The goal is national service, not punishment.

What’s the point of all this senseless movement, shipping people off like packages to the ends of the earth? Because that makes so much sense, right? Completely unnecessary.

A corper started a rant challenge because of the ridiculous price of eggs, and someone actually asked why a corper should be eating eggs.

The degradation in the mindset of most Nigerians is alarming. How is suffering so ingrained in us that eggs have become a luxury?

I blame the leaders of this nation.

I could go on and on with the whys, but the main question remains: why are we normalizing things that are not normal?

Before I even registered for NYSC, people warned me, “Just know you’ll cry. Prepare to cry and weep. You’ll refresh that site and beg God for mercy.” FGS!

Writing JAMB, stress.

Clearance to start school, stress.

Leaving school, stress.

Registering for NYSC, a war of Armageddon.

Why is everything so unnecessarily stressful? And why has it become normal?

Somehow, you survive it all, battered, bruised, broken, and scarred.

Now, fresh demons rise before you: the grueling, soul-crushing job hunt saga.

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On Job Recruiters

With battle scars still fresh, you stumble into the next arena: job recruiters. Those shining knights of the corporate world, armed with vague job descriptions, delayed responses, and an uncanny ability to ghost you at the worst possible time.

I recently experienced something I’d describe as “harrowing”

January this year, a recruiter reached out to me with a job offer. After plenty talk, he ghosted me.

Fast forward to last week. Out of the blue, he suddenly reached out again.

Scheduled a call for 2pm the following day, and told me to text him a reminder at the said time because he’s “so busy” he might forget.

First of all you need my help right?

That’s why you reached out.

So why, in this dazzling twist of logic, am I the one reminding you to follow up on the favor you need?

Now, let’s talk about the call.

Why on earth are you asking personal questions like, “Do you have a boyfriend?” and “What are the qualities you seek in a man?”

Did I miss the memo?

Since when did my relationship status and preferences become a requirement for a job application?

How is any of that remotely relevant to the position?

And that’s not even where it ends.

Here’s where it gets harrowing.

Please stay with me, guys.

After Thursday’s call, he schedules another one for Monday to talk more about the job, proper.

But then, out of the blue, on Saturday morning at 9am, he sends me a text saying he’d like to speak with me by 5pm-ish that day. I said, “Alright.”

By 5pm, I texted him. Decided to show some enthusiasm for my ever-busy soon-to-be boss. In the text, I politely asked what exact time he’d call, since he’d mentioned "5pm-ish", whatever that meant.

He sends me a vague text, 25 minutes later, saying he’s busy but will call when he gets to his car, no mention of when exactly.

Now, a family member had passed away, and I had a conference call scheduled for 7pm. Before that, I had to make dinner because I had no idea how long the call would take.

This soon-to-be boss calls me at 6:30pm, the same time the host of my conference call decides to ring.

I decline the call from my soon-to-be boss and immediately send him a text explaining the situation. I let him know that I’m a stickler for time, so I wouldn’t be available to talk anymore that day.

And then... he has the audacity to ask me if this is a "red flag" he should be worried about. He asks, “What if I was a client? Is this how you’d respond?”

First of all, any client who doesn’t respect the dead can go to hell.

He then goes on to say that the business world never sleeps and that he needs an active team member, not a passive one.

He proceeds to say that he doesn’t think we can work together and that he’s glad this happened before we got any further.

Then, he drops a sarcastic “condolence” message.

What really gets me is that he didn’t once apologize for calling me 1 hour and 30 minutes past the scheduled time. Instead, he tries to gaslight me into thinking I’m in the wrong for being upset about the lack of punctuality. It just makes me wonder what kind of horrible boss he must have been.

These are the issues.

Nigerian employers often think they're mini gods, and believe they can control your life as they deem fit.

Why is it okay for my boss to be 1 hour 30 minutes late for a meeting? But when I decline a work call because the dead cannot bury itself, suddenly, I'm in the wrong?

Why is it acceptable for you to disregard time, but not for me to be a stickler for punctuality?

Why is it a "red flag" for me to stand my ground, but it's not one for you to act with such disregard for others' time?

I tell someone about it, and they respond with, "Na so dem dey do o."

But why is any of this even remotely normal?

Why do you have to be demeaning just because I'm working for you?

Am I not offering a service for which I'm being paid? Is this charity work?

Truly, one of the best gifts you can give yourself is the gift of being an entrepreneur or a solopreneur.

At this point, I’m exhausted with the why’s and how’s.

So I’m going to pause here and say this, because I’m not about to unleash a barrage of rants without a few droplets of positivity.

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Yes, the system has been rigged.

Yes, we've tweeted, protested, and voiced our concerns.

But please, never stop challenging what’s considered "normal" when it’s clearly not.

Suffering is not normal.

Abusive bosses are not normal.

Wicked and nonchalant lecturers are not normal.

Students enduring years of hardship only to face workplace abuse and harassment as a reward for their suffering is not, and can never be, normal.

Do not get used to it.

Whatever you do, don't let the abnormalities of life become normal.

Do everything within your power to beat the system.

People are doing it.

You can, too.

Positivity is vital in this country. You’d be surprised to know that in the midst of all this suffering, there are regular people, just like us, who are sailing smoothly. Not by luck, but because they are manifesting positivity.

Even if you're not a Nepo baby or a trust fund kid,

You can still stand out.

You can rise above the struggles.

Believe me.

Stop saying:

“I’m finished.”

“My life has spoiled.”

“Nothing good ever happens to me.”

You keep saying these things, and then wonder why you're not progressing.

Sometimes, it’s not your “village people."

It’s you and your negative confessions.

Start manifesting positivity.

Maintain a wholesome mindset.

Don’t be afraid to speak your truth.

Be bold and assertive.

Don’t let anyone trample over you or treat you like garbage.

You matter.

Stand firm in your values and know your worth.

Your voice is powerful, and your actions can create change.

In all of this, I pray Nigeria never happens to any one of us.

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See you next Monday!

Wishing you a powerful week ahead!

Go get it!

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